I was surprised that we had made it thus far without the dreaded conversation that always seems to ruin a good family get-together. But surprise soon turned to sadness when it eventually came up. And along with it the challenge of maintaining a peaceful heart amidst the obvious disagreement of beliefs. At times, it became heated, but rather surprisingly I found myself praying and I was able to remain calm despite the emotions of it all.
These conversation tend to come up a lot in our family since some of us are Catholics and others are Evangelicals. However, I also realized some things, namely, the value of the virtue of prudence as a gift of the Holy Spirit, the fact that you can win an argument and lose a soul, and the sadness I felt at the unfortunate example we as Christians set and how it can negatively effect the faith of others.
The Power of Prudence
I bring up the virtue of prudence here, because although at times I felt the urge to fight back, I deduced that clearing up the doctrinal inaccuracies of others doesn’t necessarily help in all instances. In this case my worry was not to cause unnecessary confusion to the heart of someone who had found themselves in the middle of this discussion. Winning the argument would by no means guarantee her salvation, and frankly I didn’t think it would have much effect at all. She had some valid, honest questions that I would have been happy to answer and in fact I did. But I also knew that from experience that my answers would not satisfy her soul, because I’d spoken with her about these topics in a previous more private setting. Thanks to the gift of prudence I made the decision not to get involved in the back-and-forth with the other parties present. Mainly, because as a bystander I didn’t want to confuse her any more than she already was.
Pope Francis was right in Evangelii Gaudium when he said that Jesus must always come first. So often the doctrinal soundness of an argument is the first thing that comes to my mind. In itself this is not always a bad thing, however a person with no real relationship with God isn’t going to be convinced by even the best, most sound theological arguments you can hurl at them. Relationship must come before the rules. And that which weighed heaviest on my heart was how our example as Christians would inevitably effect her relationship with God.
I was even surprised at the way I answered some of the questions asked of me. In particular, the charitable, calm manner. When one of the instigators of the conversation asked me if I found it difficult to deal with people so stuck in their ways, my simple response was no, because it isn’t my job to change their hearts, but God’s. My wife shared a similar reply to a question that escapes me now, explaining that a personal relationship with God is always our primary effort in our catechism classes.
My wife and I also talked about the effect of personal holiness and the power our lived example has on others, even more so than the best effort we can give at preaching. My hope and prayer is that this bystander did not leave even more confused or disheartened than she came when it comes to God, and that our sometimes poor witness doesn’t keep her from loving God. I am reminded of a powerful prayer from St. Benedict’s Prayer Book:
“Grant, O Lord, that none may love you less this day because of me; that never word or act of mine may turn one soul from thee; and, ever daring, yet one more grace would I implore, that many souls this day, because of me, may love thee more. Amen.”
~ St. Benedict
What this experience has taught me is that being right doesn’t always matter as much as we think it does. In this case, what was more important in my belief was not to win the argument, but rather to be the bigger man, to not allow my emotions to drag me into fruitless, futile attempt to change the minds of others, or even worse to be a source of scandal to others through a poor example of what it means to be a Christian.
“The credibility of the Christian message would be much greater if Christians could overcome their divisions and the Church could realize ‘the fullness of catholicity proper to her in those of her children who, though joined to her by baptism, are yet separated from full communion with her'”.