Lucky for us it isn’t one of those things that require a week-long silent retreat and spiritual direction in order for us to come to understand. Actually, God has laid out His plan for marriage and the family explicitly and concisely through the pen of the sacred authors, in this case St. Paul.
Bringing Us Together
“If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any compassion and mercy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love, united in heart, thinking one thing.”
~ Philippians 2:1-2
I must admit I’ve read and re-read this passage numerous times and it has always seemed to me – as many of Paul’s exhortations often do – to be directed more at the Christian community in general. However, until yesterday I had never even considered it in regards to my marriage and my family. But it does make sense. After all, we do believe that the family is the “domestic church”.
Through this lens it is like seeing a whole new side of what God has in mind for me and my family. I mean, to know that our unity is that important to Him, enough that it brings Him joy, is a big deal. To think that when my wife and I truly live as “one flesh” – in unity of mind, heart, and will – that God rejoices in our marriage. That’s awesome!
It helps me know what to shoot for. Not mere happiness, because that’s just an ephemeral emotion. Feelings fade. It’s a fact. So our goal is not happiness, but rather unity. That’s something we can grow in and deepen throughout the journey of our lives together. Thank God this is the case. If only more couples were enlightened to this fact before they exchanged vows, I’m sure the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Marriage = Death
The problem is that most people entering into marriage are doing so with a self-centered point of view, which as I’m sure you know is counter-intuitive to what marriage is all about. Marriage means there can be no more “me”. Marriage is a death to the self and a birth to a mutual identity in each other. One flesh.
“Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others.”
~ Philippians 2:3-4
Once you realize that you are no longer the center of the universe, you experience a true sense of freedom and purpose. Selfishness fades away as you live your life or give your life away for the other, namely your spouse and eventually your children. There is nothing like a wife and kids to remind you that your life is not your own.
Enter sacrifice, the aspect of love that they so often tend to forget in the movies. Yet, this sacrifice is a gift, not only to your family, but to you as well. For you are learning how to love as God loves. And that really is the purpose behind your existence, the end to which your journey progresses, isn’t it?
I would submit that your marriage and your family are precisely the means God has put in place to get you there. For in the family one comes face to face with the sacrificial, life-giving, unitive, selfless, unconditional, and procreative love of God.
Question: Do you see your marriage and your family as a tool that God uses to school you in His love? If so, what experiences bear witness to this? If not, how has this reflection helped you to change your view?