The Difficulty of Distinguishing the Darkness
I remember my life before my conversion. Although I didn’t claim to believe in or not believe in God, the only deity worthy of my praise and worship was myself. I was my own god and my vices and sins were leading me down a dangerous path toward self-destruction. Then it happened. God reached out with His mighty hand and touched me. I didn’t understand completely at that moment, but I just remember knowing with certainty that God was real. This was the epiphany moment in my life.
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.”
~ Isaiah 9:1
Those who walk in darkness often don’t realize it at first. Darkness has a way of tricking us. It creeps up on us, slowly perverting our lives until we are almost completely enveloped by it. For some of us that means hitting rock bottom, losing everything. Its the wake up call we need, the moment when we realize we’ve dug ourselves into a hole too deep to climb out of on our own. It is then that God can come to the rescue. It is then that Jesus appears, climbing down into the pit of our broken humanity, allowing us to climb out over His dead body. That’s how God brings us the light. This is how He reaches His hand down from Heaven and into the darkness of our existence.
Before my conversion, I didn’t realize that I had been walking in darkness. I had been attending Sunday Mass with my then girlfriend and her family for a few months, but I never really got into or got anything out of it. However, on this particular Sunday she had to work and I decided of my own free will that I was going to go to Mass, even if it was by myself. And it was then that God chose to introduce Himself to me.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation.”
~ Psalms 27:1
I was no longer my own god. Little by little, I got to know the real God and He began to work on me always treating me with mercy and tenderness. His light lit a fire within me and I wanted nothing more than to pursue Him. You see, to see the light for the first time wasn’t just a mystical experience for me. It was more like the beginning of a love affair, an intimate relationship.
How the Light Leads Us into Discipleship
“He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him.”
~ Matthew 4:21-22
The disciples conversions were all pretty similar. They encountered Jesus, He called them, and they “followed Him”. Because once you come face to face with Jesus there is only one real response and that is to follow Him, to become His disciple. As a disciple you are able to ask questions, to learn from the Master. But it is more of a live and learn type of experience. He shows us the way, but expects us to follow in His footsteps.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
~ John 1:5
Like a torch the light leads us on the way. It is the “pillar of fire” that gives us hope and the “light that shines in the darkness”. The darkness is always there, but once the light touches you, you become another light shining brilliantly, chasing away the darkness.