Marriage + Parenthood = Less Control
My life was in my control. You know, “he’s got the whole world in his hands”. Then I got married. That changes everything. No longer can I control everything. I am not my own. Then we had two baby boys. Now I’m really not in control.
If you’re a parent there is no doubt that you learned very quickly that the image you have in your head of being the best parent in the world, you know the one whose kids listen and obey every word you say. Yeah, that one. Not gonna happen.
Children are not robots. You have an extraordinary influence over them. They mimic your words, your actions, your mannerisms, your body language. Yet, they are distinct persons. They quickly learn this and the control you thought you had disappears. It sounds bad, but it’s actually a good thing.
Leaders Don’t Control
The job of a leader is not to control, but to lead. Sounds obvious, I know. It’s so primeval of us to want to take possession, to control, to “fill the earth and subdue it”. Good leaders invite, inspire, and challenge, not force, control, or oppress.
Jesus talked about how the religious leaders of His day tended to get power, or take power, and “Lord it over them”. He rebuked them for it. Then He showed them the right way to lead. He was God, but He didn’t attempt to control people or make things happen His way.
His way was the way of the Father. And the will of the Father mattered more than His own. This was essentially a relinquishing of power, of control. To put everything, even Himself, in the hands of God.
Leaving Room for the Spirit
Controlling everything prevents freedom, growth, success, prosperity. When you control, or attempt to control, every little detail of every little thing, you actually prevent yourself from growing or succeeding, because you’re getting in God’s way.
You have to leave room for the Spirit. And to do that you have to accept that you aren’t God. It’s the first step towards freedom. Then you have to spend the rest of your life reminding yourself, or being reminded, that you aren’t God.
You’re not supposed to be in charge. He is. What you are supposed to do is to let go of control. You know, reckless abandon. That complete trust in the will of God. Like the clay in the hands of the potter, you’ve got to make yourself pliable if you want God to make a saint out of you. And that is the point of all of this. That is your purpose.
Question: What areas of your life are you most likely to try and control? How can you begin to let go of that desire to be in control?