Our Pre-Baptismal Nightmare
Our parish is primarily spanish-speaking and doesn’t even offer these classes in english, but rather directs english-speaking parents and godparents to our sister parish who offers the classes in english once per month. Unfortunately, the english class had been cancelled and our only option was to go to the spanish class.
When we arrived we saw a sign outside the door that said “No children” which was disconcerting, but we proceeded to enter. When we tried to sign in we were not greeted with a smile or even “hello” or “welcome.” The woman at the table coldly asked if we were there for the class to which we replied affirmatively. Then she lowered her gaze and her table-mate buried his face in a paper so that they wouldn’t have to confront the issue. She told us that kids were not allowed, which was not what two first-time parents want to hear as they hold on to a car seat in one hand, a diaper bag in the other, and our two month old son fast asleep on his mother’s shoulder.
The woman told us that one of us could stay and the other come the next week, but for parishioners who commute from over 30 miles away this was not possible. My wife attempted to negotiate, but I cut her off and we left. She was in tears and I wanted to get out of there before I said something I would regret.
Evaluating the Consequences of Loveless Service
Had we not been “connected” in the parish—at least with the english-speaking folk—we might have given up and left the parish, or worse the Church. That’s the problem with these kinds of rules, that take the love out of service and turn it into a lifeless machine. No emotion, no respect, no dignity.
Many Catholics leave the Church over situations like this where they are treated less than charitably by volunteers, staff, or even pastors of the local parish. I know some of these people personally as I am sure you do too. In our case, we were able to call upon our friend who happens to be a priest and he was able to give us a private pre-baptismal session. But what about those people who don’t have those “connections?” What about those who have nowhere or no one else to turn to?
These are the types of questions you need to think about when you are living out your call to Christian service. If the level of charity you exude is no more than that of a machine—that barks out only “yes” or “no” without examining the consequences of the situation or even attempting an emotional response—then you aren’t doing it for the right reasons.
How the Rules Can and Should Be Bent… Sometimes
Now, I’m definitely not advocating anarchy. Rules are essential not only to the success of our society, but for the survival of humanity. However—and I really want to emphasize this—there are times when the rules need to be examined and evaluated for their purpose and effectiveness. This doesn’t apply to everything, but to the more arbitrary rules that we sometimes set with good intentions, but end up with an epic fail. And we’ve got to be able to admit that.
Of course, this doesn’t not apply to everything. For example, we don’t change God’s rules. The Natural Law, the Ten Commandments, don’t change. They are “written on our hearts,” engrained in the fabric of our very existence. They don’t change. They can’t change.
In this case, the rule was set to keep rambunctious toddlers from running around the room while the parents and godparents are attempting to absorb all the information packed into this three-hour class. It’s understandable. But if you take the time to look at this rule and analyze the situation—realizing that this couple who is coming from out of town with a nursing newborn baby that can’t be away from his mother for more than an hour—then we would conclude that in this scenario bending the rules might be more helpful to the universal Church, the particular parish and to the individual persons involved.
I don’t want the rules to be bent for me because I think I am above them, but for the rules to be applied accordingly. Is enforcing this rule going to prevent this family from baptizing their child? Or perhaps lead them to fall away from the Church and from God? If so, then perhaps some flexibility is in order.
Fr. Joseph M. Champlin addresses this issue as he explains the difference between the European and American legal systems, drawing parallels to the way in which Church law should be interpreted. Check out his book “The Marginal Catholic: Challenge, Don’t Crush” in which he exhorts pastors and those involved in sacramental preparation to approach people with love and flexibility.
Discerning Your Call to Service
As Christians we are all called to love our “neighbor” and to treat each of the “least of our brethren” with respect, dignity, and unconditional love. This is the greatest commandment.
“I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
If we don’t love each other, imagine how much harder it will be for us to love those who hate us, who disagree with us, who are different than us. God is love and if we’re with God than we need to be showing that love. People should be able to look at you and see “Child of God” written on your forehead. They should be able to look at you, your attitude, your demeanor, and your selfless service and know that you are a Christian. You should radiate love.
A few days after our “ordeal”, another couple warmly invited us to their pre-baptismal class in another parish, bending the “no kids” rule, and even offering to give us the class in their home in stark contrast to the coldness of the woman mentioned earlier. I saw Christ’s love in them. Their sincerity, the love, and their joy smelled of God.
I know there are tons of opportunities for service for us as Christians and that it is easy to just pick the easiest thing off the list, but there needs to be discernment. You need to make God a part of your decision making process. Ask the Holy Spirit these types of questions: What is your will for my life? What talents do I have that can be best utilized for others? How can my positive personality traits bring light to the world? How is this task going to challenge me to be a better Christian? That’s discernment.