Eldredge begins by explaining that many, if not most, men are uninitiated into manhood—meaning we have either been forced into it too quickly or have not taken the proper steps to get there. One of the agreeably most common reasons for this would be the lack of good men to lead us through this process. This is not your college fraternity type of initation we’re talking about here, but rather the lifelong journey from boy to man, or, as Eldredge explains, from beloved son to sage.
Initiation into True Manhood
There are five steps or phases on Mr. Eldredge’s ladder to true manhood, and there is not a specific age range for each step, in fact, for most people they overlap each other. I am going to briefly explain the basic principles behind each of these phases.
Beloved Son
Just as I explained in “Love is the Purpose of Life,” the first phase of our lives—both physical and spiritual—is to know, understand, and believe that we are loved. Eldredge begins in the same regard, showing that as young boys we must come to acknowledge that we are the beloved son, just as Christ was and is to the Father. We must be loved—especially by our fathers or other male figures in our lives—in order to give love to others. Unfortunately, many men (myself included) did not receive this love from their fathers as children and can struggle throughout life because of it.
Cowboy
The cowboy phase is when boys begin to learn and explore, hopefully with the guidance of another man to show them the way. This would be those hidden years of Jesus at work with Joseph in the wood shop, learning not only a trade, but about life.
Warrior
Being a warrior doesn’t mean you necessarily go off to war, although that can be a part of it. This is where men begin to stand up for themselves, their loved ones, and what they believe in, realizing that there are things worth fighting for. Think of Christ’s encounter with the Tempter during His 40 days in the desert and also His battles with demoniacs, stone-wielding angry mobs, and in the end with His own desire to choose the Father’s will over His own. There are many types of battles and a man becomes a warrior, when he no longer runs from the fight, but confronts it head on.
King
After having fought as a warrior, under the authority and guidance of a king, each man must be crowned a king of his own kingdom. Whether it be over his wife and children as a husband and father, or over his flock as a shepherd of souls, the warrior becomes a king. Eldredge explains that our modern concept of kings is somewhat negative in the sense that our leaders don’t usually stand up for us, but only for themselves. A good king fights alongside his warriors, shares his wisdom and knowledge with his cowboys, and of course showers love onto his beloved sons. Jesus becomes king when he is enthroned in heaven at the right hand of the Father. He has fought his battles and He has conquered death. Now he reigns.
Sage
Eldredge explains that towards the end of life, those men who choose not to lounge around on golf courses and cruise ships, but rather to share their years of experience as warriors and kings with those who have come after him are the sages. But he also says that true sages are hard to find. He shares that the sages in his own life he has found in books, which is okay. These men have shared their wisdom with him through their writings. Jesus once made king, sends the Holy Spirit to be our counselor, our advocate, our sage. It is the Spirit that inspires us, that shares the wisdom of God.
Models of Manly Inspiration
Throughout the book Eldredge provides many examples from the lives of a few of the holy men found in sacred scripture: David, Moses, and of course, Jesus. He shows how each of these men progressed through these same five phases of initation. David is the youngest son, a shepherd in the fields, the annointed of God, warrior under Saul, conqueror of Goliath, king of Israel, then father to Solomon. Moses is the prince of Egypt, until he stands up for a hebrew slave, then flees to the desert. He is chosen by God, sent to confront the pharaoh, and bring the people of God out of slavery in Egypt and into the Promised Land.
In addition to scripture, Eldredge also references great figures like Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings, Balian from Kingdom of Heaven, and even Yoda from Star Wars. By relating to our culture he is able to drive home the reality of his process of initation and keep it forever ingrained in our mind. He even quotes from great classical literary giants such as George MacDonald, C.S. Lewis, and G.K. Chesterton.
The Journey of Manhood
In my own lived experience, growing up as a child without a father, I can relate to the broken manhood that Eldredge shows to be the reality of our current society. I have been able to see which of the steps I have passed over and which ones have left me wounded, preventing me from being fully initiated. This has helped me to acknowledge these wounds and ask for healing only God can provide. Thanks to Eldredge I can not only see the path left behind, but also the journey that lies ahead, the journey of initiation, of being Fathered by God.
You can purchase Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You by John Eldredge in paperback, audio book, or Kindle format at Amazon.com.