In the Garden of Gethsemane we see Jesus not at His worst, but at His best. It wasn’t the rejection of His own disciples or the betrayal of His friend, but this uniting of His will to the will of the Father, this was His greatest struggle.

Two Wills Made One

For those of us who are not seeking true communion with God, this can seem like a battle, a struggle. But in all actuality, to unite our will to God’s, to abandon ourselves in Him, is the overarching purpose of our entire existence. It’s what we’re made for. When we don’t want it it seems like Hell, in fact, that is exactly what Hell is.

However, when you spend your life seeking out God’s will it’s a whole ‘nother story. It still hurts to die to yourself, it is a death after all. Death hurts. But in this case it is not just to die for death’s sake, to suppress your desires or your will. Rather, to die to self is to unite your will to the will of God, to want what He wants, to desire what He desires at all costs, even when it hurts. That’s what we see in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Wrestling with God

There is also the great scene of Jacob’s battle with God in which he stays up all night “wrestling” with God. It’s a powerful example of what it means to go toe to toe with the Lord.

The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.”

~ Genesis 32:27

These beautiful words reveal a man of deep faith, a man who trusts in God and who holds Him to His Word. Although they are wrestling, Jacob knows he will never defeat Him. What he wants is a blessing, He wants that communion, to become one with God. He faces pain and in all reality, death. But in the end a new name is his reward, a new life and a new mission.

So to die to self is abandon, surrender. But it is not to give up, to fail or face defeat. It is to give in, to deny the seemingly natural tendency of ours to fight God, to pit ourselves against Him, in a battle of will. It’s impossible to beat Him. Believe me He will prove that to you again and again, as many times as you think you can, He will prove you wrong. Remember, we’re talking about He who willed the universe into existence from nothing. The only way to win is to give in. You can’t beat Him, but you can join Him. And once you do, as Jesus shows, you will become more alive than you ever imagined. Funny that it takes death to become truly alive.

Question: What areas of your life do you need to surrender to God? In what aspects do you continue to battle Him?